my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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