apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
