Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
