I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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