So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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