Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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