"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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