I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
