Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
