the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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