Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
