A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
