I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
