Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
