she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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