whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
