I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
