i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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