Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
