I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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