Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
