I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
