Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
