just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
