Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
