The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
