I smell stomach acid.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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