just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pants are for mortals
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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