I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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