whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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