but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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