My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
