I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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