Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
