Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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