it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
