like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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