Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
