ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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