It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
