Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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