3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
