Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
