I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
