i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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