Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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