Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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