We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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