Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
