Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
