The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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