East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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