Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
