so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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