sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
