He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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