Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
