called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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