Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize