i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
