You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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