Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
