and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
