Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
