I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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