my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
