Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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