Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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