I want to have your abortion
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
